When food rules stop helping and completely take over
You know the rules of the food police.
What time you’re allowed to eat. Which foods make it a good day and which ones don’t. The diet foods that you convince yourself “taste like the real thing.” Always feeling like you have to earn dessert.
You also know the terrifying feeling when the plan changes. Someone suggested a different restaurant, or the menu wasn’t what you expected, and you panic inside.
What can I eat? What if I eat the wrong thing? This is going to make me feel bloated. I can’t let myself eat that.
If you’re a high-achieving woman, teen, or athlete in Cary, this might resonate. From the outside, it looks like you’re doing great. People might tell you how put together you are, how organized, and how disciplined. But inside, you agonize over what you eat at every meal time, and in-between.
You work hard and you care a lot, especially about achievement, what others think, and doing things right. Your ambition itself isn’t the problem, but when taken to the extreme, anything can be harmful. Especially when that ambition makes you believe you have to be thin in order to be a worthwhile person.
Warning signs the rules are something more
Almost all the eating disorders we see at Bloom Psychology start very innocently. A teen learns about nutrition in health class and starts trying to eat more “healthy,” or an adult woman who has never felt great in her body starts tallying calories. These things can seem reasonable at first, but the food rules can very quickly turn into full-blown food restriction with a lot of self-criticism and shame. Especially if someone is genetically predisposed to eating disorders, anxiety, perfectionism, or obsessiveness.
Most people who come to see us have preconceived notions about eating disorders. Clients say things like “well, it’s not like I don’t eat.” It is a common misconception that people with eating disorders don’t eat at all. It’s more common that people with anorexia, orthorexia, or eating disorders just have extremely limited food repertoires, cut out certain food groups, feel scared of weight gain, have difficulty tolerating normal weight fluctuations, or think about food, weight, and shape a lot more than other things.
Here are some signs that indicate trying to “eat healthy” has turned into something more.
- You’re terrified to gain weight
- You constantly count calories
- You find yourself thinking about food, your body, weight, or exercise most of the day, nearly everyday
- You agonize over what to eat, or feel afraid of eating the “wrong” thing
- You cut out entire food groups (like carbs, fats, or dessert)
- You feel like you have to “earn” what you eat
- You feel out of control around food, alternating between high levels of food restraint and food impulsivity (binge eating)
- After feeling like you’ve eaten “too much,” you try to compensate with exercise, self-induced vomiting, laxative use, more dieting, or other means of weight control
- You beat yourself up about what you eat or didn’t eat, or your body weight or shape
- You’re constantly checking your body – in the mirror, on the scale, or by how your clothes fit
- You feel distressed or upset about food, weight, shape, and your attempts to control them
- Your functioning at work, school, relationships, or sport has suffered
In a community like Cary, where effort and control get admired, these patterns hide easily, and might even be praised. But if two or more of these bullet points sound like you, it’s worth talking to a trained professional who understands.
Why food rules are a slippery slope
Just like perfectionism, eating disorders tend to maintain themselves. That means it’s hard to make meaningful change without dismantling the whole thing.
You probably know the cycle; you place a high amount of value on your physical appearance, weight, or shape. That leads to a desire to be thin, lose weight, or maintain a certain body type or aesthetic. So you start restricting food in some way (counting calories, dieting, eating only “healthy” items, cutting out fats or carbohydrates). You scrutinize your body, either in the mirror, weighing, or judging how your clothes fit. You feel hyper-sensitive to any changes, any bloating, or any discomfort.
Then, after a while, the restraint turns into a lack of control. You have a “bad day,” over-eat, or even binge eat. After these episodes you worry about your weight, feel negative feelings (like shame, anxiety, anger, or hopelessness), so you go back to the food rules. You “tighten up” and go back to dieting with more resolve than ever… which just continues the cycle.
How to break the cycle of food rules with good therapy
At Bloom Psychology, we help you break out of this cycle through 3 phases of treatment.
In the first phase, we work on building awareness. We identify the patterns of the cycle and note how they show up in your real life. We identify when your relationship with food started to shift, and what factors contributed. We may also explore your values – the things you care about that make life meaningful – and identify how these values are different from the eating disorder (or food rules, or perfectionism, whatever you call it). We help you identify what is truly you, at your wisest and most authentic self, vs. what is the disorder.
In the second phase, we work on changing the behaviors that keep the cycle going. Usually this involves tools for managing food restriction, binge eating, and compensatory behaviors, as well as body checking and negative body criticism. It involves trying new foods and building trust in yourself and your body. This phase can allow for a huge shift in your mental state.
The second phase might also involve addressing perfectionistic or anxious behaviors like avoidance, procrastination, over-work, or self criticism.
In the last phase of treatment, we talk about long-term maintenance. This phase involves regular use of behavioral skills and mindset shifts. It also involves optimizing other areas of your life, like school, work, or sport, and how to maintain these shifts to live the life you want over time.
With consistent effort and a trusted professional by your side, you can break free from food rules and body dissatisfaction.
If you’re a parent or partner and your loved one is struggling with disordered eating patterns
Watching someone you love struggle with food can feel excruciating. You might feel like one minute your teen started to eat healthy, and the next minute, they’ve lost 20 pounds and are knee-deep in a full-blown eating disorder.
At Bloom Psychology, we talk to parents everyday who don’t know where the first step is. Some have tried therapy in the past, but are still watching their teen struggle. Others have avoided trying to encourage them to eat more because these efforts have been met with fighting or meltdowns. We understand this struggle. It can be really hard to know what the “right” move is, because each individual is different. And it’s really hard to navigate these patterns without an eating disorder specialist. That’s why we encourage parents and partners to reach out as soon as they identify a loved one struggling with disordered eating.
If you are a parent or caregiver of a teen struggling with an eating disorder, there are resources available. A great place to start is the F.E.A.S.T website. F.E.A.S.T has a free 30-day educational program on eating disorders, high-quality information, and even an online forum for parents and caregivers.
Take the next step for eating disorder treatment in Cary, NC
At Bloom Psychology Group, we work with women, girls, families, and athletes who carry a lot of pressure, including how they eat. We understand the culture of feeling like you need to keep up with everyone else, in appearances, sport, or finances.
We have specialized providers who can walk this path with you so you aren’t guessing what the “right” move is. For the last four years, we have helped countless individuals and their families heal from food rules, eating disorders, and even RED-S. If you’d like to talk about eating disorder treatment in Cary, NC, for yourself or for someone in your family, please contact us today.